Is EQ for YOU? – Part 1

 In Blogs

It should be one of the hottest topics in 2016!

The key to successful interactions with people – relationships, if you like – can be simply described with the following metaphor.

You can choose to look at that moment using a mirror or a window. If you always use a mirror you will see everything relating back to you. You will be using your own filters: your needs, your values, your beliefs, and your emotions. If you like what you see, you will probably have constructive responses. But if you don’t, then your responses may well be destructive, based on the event not making sense to the ego within you – your reflected self.

If, on the other hand, you look at the situation through a window, you will be exploring an external view. You will be examining what’s actually going on outside in the world around you and viewing experiences as others may see them. You will see others and their environment. You will learn because it’s not always as you thought or want. People often only respond in line with their past experiences and quite often need us to help them see the same thing in a number of different, resourceful ways. However, if this is the only way you view things, then you may be placing others people’s needs before your own and therefore not allowing yourself to focus on the drivers that your inner self requires.

Mirrors are great if you need to re-evaluate your own performance and to find inner focus and strength in tough times. Think about using mirrors to maximise your time – to help you see what you need to do in the time allocated and stick to it by saying ‘No’ to time thieves and distractions.

Windows are often successfully used in leadership positions. They help you to see how others need motivating and share successes. Windows are equally strong when networking because they help you to listen, engage and share ideas and future actions.

When it comes to relationships, try removing the mirror and opening a window. It may just help you see things more clearly.

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticise me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.”

  • William Arthur Ward

Emotional intelligence or EQ (emotional quotient) is a behavioural model, famously explored in Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book Emotional Intelligence. As the need for personal engagement within organisations has grown, EQ has become more and more widely acknowledged. Understanding EQ supports the leadership-led mind and the increasing need for developing talent and ongoing relations because it provides a new way to understand and evaluate people’s behaviour, communication styles, attitudes, interpersonal skills and potential. As such, emotional intelligence plays an important part in recruitment and selection, coaching strategies, staff development, PR, customer relations, pitching, selling and leading.

Emotional intelligence also has strong links with strategies around connection, empathy and spirituality: bringing compassion and mindfulness to work. The EQ concept argues that IQ (intelligence quotient), or conventional intelligence, is too narrow – that there are wider areas of intelligence that dictate and enable how successful we are. We’ve all met people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially and inter-personally inept. And we know that success does not automatically follow a high IQ rating.

Individuals with high EQ know they can implement strategies while also motivating individual team members in their unique way. And when selling they can influence people without damaging motives while creating a well-organised project plan.

Emotional intelligence is built on the foundations of two specific levels – interpersonal and intrapersonal:


Knowledge and Information vs Wisdom and Awareness. You may read books on law, quantum physics and computer mechanics, but this doesn’t mean that you necessarily get on well with other people, can empathise with and understand them or communicate to potential clients.


Connecting with other people isn’t the same as being able to understand your own emotional inner self. Intrapersonal intelligence is the ability to manage yourself and become more self-aware – to know who you are and what makes you tick.

Now, think about someone you need to engage with successfully. Perhaps they can support your business or team? Maybe they are difficult to deal with and you need to find a way to gain a mutual understanding? Try using EQ here. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • How do I see them and what do I notice about them?
  • How might my response not be helping us?
  • What could I do differently to create a better level of synergy?

Oliver Thompson has written this blog, to find out more read Part 2 next week.

To contact Oliver feel free to either call 0845 521 0869 or email

W: l

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